Collectable post #001 ("...kinda like your suitcase")

I've decided to make my first post a FAQ-style introduction. For those that know me, I hope to use this as a quinary means of staying in touch (behind phone calls, email, text messaging, and actually hanging out). Yes I just looked up what comes after quaternary. If you're reading this and you don't know me, please realize that if you take offense to anything written here you are probably either too sensitive or I was trying to ruffle your fur. Either way... viva la internet. On to the questions:


1) WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU STARTING A BLOG?

I prefer not to think things through in advance when it comes to recreational commitments & time management, which should be explanation enough. But it sounded like fun and I'm grossly overestimating my ability and/or willingness to post on a regular basis. Here are some of the secondary reasons that are immediately obvious to me:

a) THE WIFE has a blog, and she thinks she's pretty funny. And she is sometimes, except when it comes to her editorials regarding my vegetable-to-Goldfish cracker intake ratio. There is nothing wrong with a few handfuls of Goldfish after a long day of... well, anything. They're great for breakfast too. Don't listen to whatever her blog says about my goldfishies. [Note: I have never seen THE WIFE's blog, so I would have no idea if my culinary preferences were discussed in an open internet forum. But I do know that these preferences are frequently discussed in an open living-room forum, which prompted the mention.]

b) I've been reading a ton of Bill Simmons lately, and he is pretty much the pinnacle of sports commentary. I have no aspirations to be 0.1% as funny as he is, but he makes writing seem fun again.

c) I've been feeling the need to let some of the running commentary in my life out into the open. This commentary occurs in the form of interactions with friends & "clients", internal monologues, and text messages with THE WIFE. I'm paying an average of $18/month in text message overage charges... might as well make the most of it. And for anyone who was thinking about emailing me to advise changing my text plan to include more texts -- go away, this type of "logical thinking" is not welcome here. If you were planning on texting me that advice... wow, that's actually pretty funny!

d) I actually do occasionally find myself with inordinate amounts of free time at work. I've pretty much read all of ESPN.com/NBA, become intimately familiar with all of the 1960's-era Fender amplifiers currently listed on eBay, and am taking a break from working my way through http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/.


2) WHAT IS THE THEME OF THIS BLOG?

It doesn't have one. No it's not about the Swiss, but 25% of me did come from 'the motherland'. I claim a quarter Swiss, a quarter Scottish, 50% American mutt, and 100% awesome. There will certainly be recurring themes & topics (GO LAKERS!!!), but we'll just have to see what those turn out to be.


3) WHY ARE YOU SO VAGUE WHEN DISCUSSING "CLIENTS" AT WORK?

Federal regulations and personal integrity mandate that the details of my professional interactions remain anonymous. That being said, some of these interactions are high comedy that beg for release into the public forum (albeit anonymously). A secondary reason for the ambiguity is not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings. Because people with hurt feelings tend to sue, and we just don't want that. The synthetic turf industry is much more litigenous than you would think.


4) CAN I POST COMMENTS?

By all means, please do. But keep it clean and friendly -- my friends & family may read this, and God definitely will. I don't want any of them pissed off at me.


5) WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO READ WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY?

I have no idea -- I'm not sure anyone would. But I have enough fun writing this stuff to justify its existence.


So be sure to print this one on high quality cardstock and store in a low-humidity environment -- it's guarenteed to increase in value 10,000% over the next 10 years*! You're going to want to hang onto a blog this cherry...

*{Appreciation based on actual investment cost}