Thanks boss!

I was catching up with one of my good friends the other day who happens to work for the same company I do (at least one of them), except for the fact that he is a full-time employee/shareholder while I remain a part-time/per diem worker. He loves giving me a hard time about how that makes him my "boss" and that "I work for him"... which prompted the following stream of text messages from me this morning (from work):

"Hey boss, computers are kinda slow this morning... can you take care of that? Thanks."

"And we're out of regular coffee."

"And I need this vacation form filled out."

"Thanks"

[RESPONSE] "Kinda demanding for a grunt employee. What do you think this is, Disneyland?"

"Hey I hate to bother you with this kinda stuff, but there's a leaky faucet in exam room 3. Thanks boss."

"This keyboard is making my wrists hurt. I think I have carple tinell."

"I have a soar throte, can I go home?

[RESPONSE] "{demeaning reference to my manhood omitted}"

"I feel harassed by your recent comments. I think we need to have a meeting with HR..."

"What kind of company serves vanilla nut coffee in the break room? Are you trying to impose an alternative lifestyle on us? I need to speak to your manager please."

"These office pens are making my lower back hurt. I believe this is occupational in nature. Do you want to just write me a check or should we start doing the paperwork? Please make out to CASH."

"Oops, just sent a heart attack home... I bet you're going to hear about that one!"

"I just dropped an F-bomb in front of a 4yo kid, who seems to have taken a great liking to the word. I gave mom your home #. Sorry boss!"

[RESPONSE] "Are you even working???"

"Actually you're paying me to send you harassing texts this morning. Thanks buddy!"

"I'm putting you as my supervisor for any case with a high likelihood of having a poor outcome, ok? Thx."

"Hey how do you use a corneal drill? Never mind, I'll figure it out."

And so on. Moral of this story? Don't mess with people who have lots of free time, unlimited text message plans, or both.